Invisible Chain.
Imagine growing up as a bird in a golden cage. The bars shimmer with promises of love, but no matter how hard you sing, you can’t escape the cold realization: the song isn’t for you; it’s for them. This is the silent truth many children of narcissistic parents face. From the earliest moments, the child of the narcissistic parent learns early that love is conditional.
They quickly understand that they will only be loved for what they do, not who they are.
They sense their parents cannot meet their emotional needs.
- So, they learn to perform, excelling in sports, academics, and becoming their parents' confidant and emotional support.
Their childhood becomes a stage, and they’re the performers.
This dance comes at a steep price. The child abandons their true self, morphing into whatever version their highly critical and opinionated parents deem worthy.
- Without a genuine sense of self, they become addicted to external validation. They grow addicted to applause, kind words, and approval, like a parched soul clinging to every drop of rain in a storm.
The Empty Well
- This need for validation sets the stage for a lifetime of people-pleasing and self-betrayal. This creates a lifetime pattern of people-pleasing and self-betrayal. The relationships turn transactional, always based on what they can provide for others.
Their actions scream, “Am I good enough now?”
Relationships, instead of being places of mutual care and connection, turn into cold transactions. Deep within lies a profound sense of betrayal.
They were loved, yes. But unfortunately unconsciously used by the most significant person in their world.
The heartbreak lies in the unspoken truth: deep within is a betrayal so deep it’s like a wound that never truly heals, a song that ends on a discordant note.
A Heavy Burden
As children, they carried an invisible weight too heavy for their small shoulders.
They were exhausted, not just physically but emotionally, drained from the constant performance.
- Yet, there was nothing they could do—no escape, no refuge. They knew their survival depended on meeting their parent’s demands, so they endured.
Their tiredness became a part of them, a quiet companion they carried into adulthood.
Betrayed by Love
- The anxiety, anger, and pain from this betrayal remain buried, tucked away like forgotten treasures in a dusty attic.
- The anxiety, anger, and pain remain buried until they're finally ready to acknowledge these wounds and try to overcome their own trauma by distracting themselves more.
But you can’t outrun these feelings forever. No matter how much they distract themselves, the past has a way of knocking on the door when they least expect it.
Breaking Free
It takes immense courage to face these wounds, to admit that the golden cage wasn’t a haven.
- The scars from growing up with a narcissistic parent don’t define them, but they do shape the way forward.
Healing isn’t about erasing the past but learning to embrace the authentic self they left behind.
If you’ve ever felt like this story mirrors your own, know this: you’re not alone.
- Breaking free from the invisible chains isn’t easy, but it’s possible.
Forwards Beckon Rebound by Adrianne Lenker :
show me pictures that hang in your house, pictures that hang in your mouth.
Half Return by Adrianne Lenker :
standing in the yard, dressed like a kid, the house is white and the lawn is dead.
- You deserve a life where love isn’t a transaction but a gift. Where relationships aren’t a performance but a partnership.
