The art of being alone but I like myself better when I have company
I wish you knew that I can’t ever live without you. I can’t even picture the moment if I ever going to lose you.
It took me a lot of time to realize that I hate being alone. Maybe just for the peace of mind, I do love it. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t ever done everything alone. It’s just I feel more alive when I’m with you. When someone is willing to stay beside me.
When I’m alone, I feel like I’m lack of being productive. Meanwhile, when I have you by my side, my world seems to be able to move again finally. When I’m alone, I can manage to go the whole day without eating. I’d rather sleep the whole day because the voices in my head aren’t helpful at all. Yes, I can carry all my burdens alone because to have someone helping me with it had never been on my list. But when you came into my life, it changed.
When I have your company, everything seems to be more colorful. I am suddenly able to take care of myself. I suddenly feel hungry all the time, I suddenly don’t wanna stay in bed all day long. I would like to explore everything with you because when I’m with you, you can answer all of my curiosity. Thank you for always trying to understand me. Sleep doesn’t seem as necessary because talking with you feels nice. Even sometimes, we were out of topic. Even if the conversation gets ridiculously silly as the time passes by. Carrying burdens and thoughts doesn’t seem as heavy because your presence gives me warmth that even cannot be described by words.
It feels like being wrapped by a warm blanket on a chilly night. The way I know that I shine differently when I’m with you. Your presence can illuminate my best version and qualities. I realized that I’m not alone and never alone because I have you.
I feel more alive. Perhaps, I feel more alive when I have company. Maybe I need that constant reassurance to fill the room, to fill my heart. Thank you for always reminding me that I’m capable of being loved, valued, and understood. You might be one of the people that successfully sees right through me. You are special to me because there are not many people that able to understand me because of the mess I’ve created in my head. And perhaps, it’s this reflection that makes me like myself better, knowing that I am capable of being loved.
In the end, even if the world can be too harsh on me sometimes, I am often on my own whether I like it or not. But then, when I reach home, I realize I don’t want to do everything alone after all. And for you, thank you for making me realize that there are still a lot of reasons to stay alive. YOU ARE MY HOME.
I know you were just a moment for me in my books that god has given for me to borrow for a while. Therefore, you are worth more than a million to me.
