The Love I Tried to Bury
There’s a strange, almost cruel dance to the human heart—a waltz between longing and fear, between love and the relentless shadows we carry. My story is not unique, but it feels deeply personal, etched into the corners of my soul like a bittersweet melody.
I found the love of my life. Let me say it again, slowly this time, so you can feel its weight: I found the love of my life. He wasn’t just another passerby in the endless parade of possibilities; he was it. The calm to my chaos, the lighthouse to my storm. And yet, I decided to self-sabotage by thinking that I didn’t deserve him.
You see, I owed karma. Life has a way of tallying up our missteps, those quiet moments of selfishness or mistakes we thought we could bury in the sands of time. I carried that debt like a stone in my pocket, heavy and unyielding. And I paid full for it.
- Love as a Mirror
Loving him was like standing in front of a mirror on a bright, unforgiving morning.
I saw myself clearly—the flaws, the insecurities, the scars I thought I had hidden so well. But he didn’t see me. Not in the way I longed for. His eyes never lingered on me the way mine did on him. Still, his presence felt like sunlight breaking through my clouds. His smile made the world feel less sharp, less cold. Loving him was an ache I learned to live with, a secret I kept pressed to my chest like a fragile bird. But that ache was also a reminder of everything I thought I didn’t deserve.
“Sometimes you have to lose what you thought you didn’t deserve to understand your own worth.”
- The Art of Sabotage
Self-sabotage is an art form, you know. It’s subtle, like painting over cracks in the walls instead of fixing the foundation. I convinced myself that my love was a burden, something too heavy to place on his shoulders. I told myself that even if I spoke my truth, it wouldn’t matter—because why would he choose me when he could have someone better?
“Self-sabotage isn’t failure—it’s fear wearing a mask. Redemption begins when you take off that disguise.”
So, I stayed silent. I tried to suffocate the love that burned so brightly inside me. I became his friend, his confidant, the quiet shadow always there but never seen. And when the universe handed him someone else to love, I smiled through the pain, telling myself this was my punishment for daring to dream.
“Healing starts the moment you forgive yourself for not knowing how to love yourself before.”
- Paying the Price
In the end, karma doesn’t come for you with fangs and fury. It comes quietly, slipping into your heart like an old friend who knows your secrets. It was a slow unraveling, watching him laugh with someone else, watching the happiness I could never give him bloom in someone else's arms.
I owed karma, and I paid full for it.
Losing the possibility of him felt like watching a masterpiece burn—knowing I had lit the match by keeping silent, knowing I could never recreate what I imagined we could have been. But there’s a strange kind of grace in unrequited love. When there’s nothing to hold on to, you’re forced to confront yourself in the empty spaces.
“You can’t rewrite the past, but you can learn to hold the pen differently for the future.”
“The greatest act of self-love is choosing to believe you are worthy, even after you’ve convinced yourself otherwise.”
- The Path to Redemption
The love I never had taught me something I didn’t understand before: you can’t truly love someone else until you learn to love yourself. It’s cliché, I know, but clichés are born from truth. I had to confront the wounds I had ignored, the parts of myself I thought made me unlovable.
“Even the most broken heart can find its way to wholeness, but only when you stop breaking it yourself.”
“The road to redemption begins with letting go of the weight of undeserved guilt.”
I’m still learning, still healing. Some days are easier than others. But now, when I think of him, I don’t feel regret—I feel gratitude. He showed me what love could be, even if it wasn’t mine to keep.
Self-sabotage is not the end of your story; it’s the chapter where you learn what truly matters.
If you’re reading this, and you’re holding someone’s love in your hands, don’t let your fears crush it. Don’t let the shadows of your past dictate the brightness of your future. You deserve love, even when it feels impossible to believe.
“The bridges you burned in fear can still guide you to the shores of redemption if you’re brave enough to rebuild them.”
And if you’ve loved someone who never loved you back, like I did, know this: you can rise from the ashes. The heart is resilient, and the human spirit has a remarkable way of finding light in the darkest places.
Redemption isn’t about erasing mistakes—it’s about finding the courage to rise from them.
Because love, even when it’s unreturned, leaves an imprint. And sometimes, that’s enough to guide you back to yourself.
